(#5648673) Re: New theme
Posted by theoldmaster on 28 Nov 2024 at 8:26AMHaha
(#5648400) Re: New theme
Posted by Lil Red on 27 Nov 2024 at 11:28AMI bought a new vacuum on Black Friday. It sucks.
(#5646960) Re: Calcetines
Posted by Jools on 21 Nov 2024 at 9:17AMIt certainly does help to Speak Spanish, luckily we have google translate
(#5646954) Calcetines
Posted by fatdaddy on 21 Nov 2024 at 8:06AM(This joke works best if you speak Spanish)
A Mexican man walks into a men's store, looks around, finds a salesman and says "Busco calccetines".
The salesman says "I'm afraid I don't speak Spanish. No habler Espanol."
"Busco calcetines."
The salesman decides he'll try the process of elimination. He picks up a belt.
"No. Calcetines."
He takes el señor to another section and picks up a bandana.
"¡No! ¡Calcetines!"
He takes him to the shoe department and as they pass by the rack of socks the hombre picks up a pair and says "Eso si que es."
Where upon the salesman asks "Why didn't you spell it in the first place?"
(#5646719) Re: New theme
Posted by theoldmaster on 20 Nov 2024 at 8:03AMGood one
(#5646705) Re: New theme
Posted by marcmandy on 20 Nov 2024 at 6:17AM
➡️😃LOL😄⬅️
(#5646584) Re: New theme
Posted by jroyster on 19 Nov 2024 at 3:23PMWhile at Walmart, I asked the Pharmacy staff where I might find one of those at home health tests you send to a lab for analysis.
The Pharmacy Tech looked both ways and then whispered to me, "I'm not suppose to tell you this, but you don't need that kit." He then proceeded to tell me how to do my own test for free. "Just pee under a tree, and then come back in three or four days:
- If ants have gathered, you've got diabetes.
- If the grass dries up, it's high salts, and you've got heart disease.
- If it smells like BBQ, your cholesterol is high.
- And if you forgot to pull up your pants, you've got Alzheimer's.
(#5646131) Re: New theme
Posted by KG_2020 on 17 Nov 2024 at 11:05AMAt a large department store a manager was coming onto the sales floor when he heard an associate tell a woman "we haven't had any for awhile and it doesn't look like we'll get any anytime soon.". The woman thanked the associate and left.
Horrified, the manager pulled the associate aside and instructed "Never, never tell a customer we're out of something! Tell them it's on order. Now what was it she wanted?"
The reply came "She asked about rain. I told her we hadn't had any for awhile and it doesn't look like we'll get any anytime soon."
(#5645205) Re: New theme
Posted by PattyMac on 13 Nov 2024 at 1:53PMWhy doesn’t Garth Brooks shop at Home Depot?
Because he has friends in Lowe’s places.
(#5645173) Re: New theme
Posted by Jools on 13 Nov 2024 at 11:03AMMy wife was on eBay all day today. If she's still there by the weekend I'll reduce the price!
(#5645172) New theme
Posted by Jools on 13 Nov 2024 at 10:59AMAs Black Friday is nearly upon us, let's have some jokes about Sales and Shopping
{ Image: www.kyozou.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/whyatt-we-usually-shop-in-the-comfort-of-our-own-5255850.png }
(#5645171) Time to vote
Posted by Jools on 13 Nov 2024 at 10:57AMvote for your favourite Halloween joke
(#5645170) Poll Winner
Posted by Jools on 13 Nov 2024 at 10:56AMWe have a winner! 
For the last poll,
Vote for you favourite School Joke
Congratulations to
eliphont551 with her entry "What did the eraser say after the first day of school? I don’t think I’m going to make it to graduation!" with (26%) of the vote.
Look out for a winner's token on your profile soon!
(#5644841) Re: Science question
Posted by Big Giant Head on 12 Nov 2024 at 1:56AMSierieously comiecal.
(#5644782) Re: Science question
Posted by fatdaddy on 11 Nov 2024 at 5:56PMDoes this make us seriously comical?
(#5644680) Re: Science question
Posted by KG_2020 on 11 Nov 2024 at 9:12AMA lot of the laughs I've gotten have come from playing it straight.
(#5644675) Re: Science question
Posted by Pinksmoke on 11 Nov 2024 at 8:24AMBooks just having a conversation as no one has posted any jokes yet. Eases the boredom.
(#5644674) Re: Science question
Posted by Pinksmoke on 11 Nov 2024 at 8:21AMToo long ago to remember but possibly
(#5644613) Re: Science question
Posted by Jools on 11 Nov 2024 at 1:54AMJust a reminder, this is the jokes board so the original post was made in jest
(#5644560) Re: Science question
Posted by fatdaddy on 10 Nov 2024 at 6:16PMWere you taught phonics in elementary school?
I'm just 9 years your jr.
(#5644444) Re: Science question
Posted by Pinksmoke on 10 Nov 2024 at 7:32AMAt 77 years old, all I learned in elementary school was " I before except after c" I know today the why of it but it is not what we learned back then.
(#5644328) Re: Science question
Posted by fatdaddy on 9 Nov 2024 at 2:20PMNeighbor's diphthong is the "a" sound.
"I before E except after C
or when sounded like A as in neighbor or weigh"
(#5644221) Re: Science question
Posted by Pinksmoke on 9 Nov 2024 at 8:02AMNeighbor is another that doesn't follow that rule.
(#5644117) Re: Science question
Posted by fatdaddy on 8 Nov 2024 at 4:00PMMaybe that rule doesn't apply as both of the two letters are pronounced.
(#5644072) Re: Science question
Posted by KG_2020 on 8 Nov 2024 at 2:09PMMaybe it means except sometimes after C.
(#5644066) Science question
Posted by bestgremlin on 8 Nov 2024 at 1:11PM
If "i before e except after c",
shouldn't it be spelled "sceince" ???
(#5641503) Re: New theme - Halloween
Posted by fatdaddy on 29 Oct 2024 at 4:46PM (#5641490) Re: New theme - Halloween
Posted by jroyster on 29 Oct 2024 at 3:32PM Sorry, that was the joke, the whole joke, and nothing but the joke. This time of year, people knock on your door and say "trick or treat"
(#5641417) Re: New theme - Halloween
Posted by fatdaddy on 29 Oct 2024 at 11:28AMI'll bite...
Trick or treat who?
(#5641380) Re: New theme - Halloween
Posted by jroyster on 29 Oct 2024 at 7:52AM(Knock, knock)
Who's there?
Trick or treat!
(#5641343) Re: New theme - Halloween
Posted by monkeytyper on 29 Oct 2024 at 6:47AMWhat did one ghost say to the other?
Get a life!
(#5640413) Re: New theme - Halloween
Posted by Sundrop kid on 25 Oct 2024 at 6:29AMWhat do you call s skeleton that likes to tell jokes?
A funny bone
(#5640239) Pronunciation
Posted by Cinnamon on 24 Oct 2024 at 2:29PMI have never in my life tried to pronounce an “L” so hard than when I just asked the Home Depot guy where I could get some Caulk
(Not for the contest)
(#5640206) New Theme - Halloween
Posted by HeartOnFire on 24 Oct 2024 at 10:50AM
What do you call two witches sharing an apartment? Broommates
(#5640090) Navy joke
Posted by Cinnamon on 24 Oct 2024 at 12:45AMAn admiral is staring off the deck of his battleship at the approaching enemy on the horizon.
“Fetch my red shirt,” the admiral says to his first officer. “If I’m wounded in battle, I don’t
want the men to see I’m bleeding. It will kill morale.”
“But sir,” says the first officer, “there is a fleet of 15 ships coming right for us.”
“Oh,” the admiral sighs. “Well, in that case go grab my
brown pants.”
😂
(Not for the contest)
(#5640088) 1 minute
Posted by Cinnamon on 24 Oct 2024 at 12:20AMHow long is one minute?
It depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on
(Not for the contest)
(#5640083) Random Corny Joke 🫣😂
Posted by Cinnamon on 23 Oct 2024 at 11:29PM(Not for contest)
Why did the baby cookie cry?
Because its mother had been
a wafer so long.
Now that’s what they call a
crumb-y joke
(#5640002) Re: New theme - Halloween
Posted by hoot on 23 Oct 2024 at 2:25PMHave you seen the twin witches? I can’t tell witch is witch!
(#5639996) Re: New theme - Halloween
Posted by ladyvic on 23 Oct 2024 at 1:49PMWhat’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange.
(#5639931) Re: New theme - Halloween
Posted by jd91 on 23 Oct 2024 at 11:37AMWhat's the best Halloween treat?
Spookies and milk
(#5639914) Re: New theme - Halloween
Posted by Lil Red on 23 Oct 2024 at 10:31AMWhat is a ghost favorite lunch meat?
Booloney.
(#5639913) Re: New theme - Halloween
Posted by PattyMac on 23 Oct 2024 at 10:23AMWhy didn't anyone want to go trick or treating with Dracula?
Because he is a pain in the neck.
(#5639912) Re: New theme - Halloween
Posted by Big Giant Head on 23 Oct 2024 at 10:19AMWhat happens when a vampire tries to trick or treat in the snow?
Frost bite.
(#5639911) New theme - Halloween
Posted by Jools on 23 Oct 2024 at 10:17AM
To celebrate Halloween
we have a bonus for this month.
As well as a change to win the usual Board Tokens, everyone who enters will also receive a random Halloween token from a previous year.
So get your jokes posted
(#5639033) Animal jokes winners
Posted by Jools on 20 Oct 2024 at 11:25AMWe have a winner!
For the last poll,
Vote for you favourite Animal Joke
Congratulations to
RabidWolff of the Wolf Pack with their entry "What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine."
And
KG_2020 with "What's worse then a giraffe with a sore neck? A centipede with fallen arches." Both with (18%) of the vote.
Look out for a winner's token on your profile soon!
(#5638579) Re: Time to vote
Posted by Jools on 18 Oct 2024 at 6:30AMSorry I've been otherwise engaged
(#5638544) Re: Time to vote
Posted by RabidWolff of the Wolf Pack on 18 Oct 2024 at 2:06AMIt's been over a month, when will this poll close?
(#5630352) Re: I just wanted to share this funny
Posted by fatdaddy on 12 Sep 2024 at 12:04PM (#5630323) I just wanted to share this funny
Posted by ladyvic on 12 Sep 2024 at 9:07AM (#5629107) Re: New theme - School Jokes
Posted by jd91 on 6 Sep 2024 at 1:36PMDid you hear about the biscuit who went to school?
They were one smart cookie, but then so were it's parents so it was just a chocolate chip off the old block
(#5629098) Re: Billybob
Posted by PattyMac on 6 Sep 2024 at 11:11AMWhat do you call a teacher without students? Happy.
(#5629053) Re: Billybob
Posted by jroyster on 6 Sep 2024 at 7:18AMI skipped allot of skool
(#5629048) Billybob
Posted by ladyvic on 6 Sep 2024 at 6:50AMBillybob: “My math teacher is crazy”. Mother: “Why?”
Billybob: “Yesterday she told us that five is 4+1 and then today she is telling us that five is 3 + 2.”
(#5629046) Re: New theme - School Jokes
Posted by eliphont551 on 6 Sep 2024 at 6:28AM
What did the eraser say after the first day of school?
I don’t think I’m going to make it to graduation!
(#5629040) New theme - School Jokes
Posted by Jools on 6 Sep 2024 at 6:06AM
With the kids going back to school, it's time for for favourite jokes on schools or education
(#5627313) Time to vote
Posted by Jools on 30 Aug 2024 at 6:50AMPlease vote for your favourite animal joke
(#5626665) Animal Jokes
Posted by transfusion on 27 Aug 2024 at 10:33AMWhy was the baby snake sad?
Someone took its rattle!
(#5626644) Re: New theme - Animal Jokes
Posted by jroyster on 27 Aug 2024 at 8:41AMTwo chickens showed up!
(#5626551) any more entries?
Posted by Jools on 27 Aug 2024 at 12:23AMFor animal jokes, poll going up tomorrow
(#5626550) Re: New theme - Animal Jokes
Posted by Jools on 27 Aug 2024 at 12:22AMDid you use Amazon Prime?
(#5626005) Re: Easter Jokes
Posted by rabbitoid on 24 Aug 2024 at 9:45AM (#5625967) Easter Jokes
Posted by hoot on 24 Aug 2024 at 5:30AMWhy did the rabbit go to the hair salon? She found a few too many gray hares!
(#5625862) Re: Looking for some Easter jokes
Posted by Cinnamon on 23 Aug 2024 at 5:07PMHAHAHA *!!!*
(#5625861) Re: Happy Easter 🐰
Posted by Cinnamon on 23 Aug 2024 at 5:04PM (#5624686) Re: Animal joke
Posted by jroyster on 18 Aug 2024 at 11:28AMI thought fo rsure the punch line was going to be, "I can't do that in the seat you give me!"
(#5624662) Animal joke
Posted by Pinksmoke on 18 Aug 2024 at 8:25AMA woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board. “Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and rollover. The customer was flummoxed: “I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”
(#5624337) Re: New theme - Animal Jokes
Posted by jroyster on 16 Aug 2024 at 6:23PMI'm going to put 6,000 years of wondering to rest. I ordered a Chicken and an Egg on Amazon. I'll let you know.
(#5624240) Re: New theme - Animal Jokes
Posted by KG_2020 on 16 Aug 2024 at 9:46AMWhat's worse then a giraffe with a sore neck?
A centipede with fallen arches.
(#5624159) Animal joke
Posted by Cinnamon on 15 Aug 2024 at 6:08PM(from Cloggergirl)
Do regular dogs see German Shepherds and think, "Oh No, it's the cops!!"
(#5621763) Animal Jokes
Posted by transfusion on 4 Aug 2024 at 11:42AMWhy dod Hummingbirds Hum?
Because they don't know the words
(#5621710) Re: New theme - Animal Jokes
Posted by hoot on 4 Aug 2024 at 5:03AMWhy did the crab refuse to share?
Because he’s shellfish.
(#5621634) Re: New theme - Animal Jokes
Posted by PattyMac on 3 Aug 2024 at 4:57PMWhat do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!
(#5621611) Re: New theme - Animal Jokes
Posted by RabidWolff of the Wolf Pack on 3 Aug 2024 at 3:13PM.
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
(#5621607) Duck
Posted by ladyvic on 3 Aug 2024 at 3:09PMQ: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: "Put it on my bill."
(#5621568) Re: New theme - Animal Jokes
Posted by monkeytyper on 3 Aug 2024 at 9:31AMWhat sound do porcupines make when they kiss?
OUCH..
(#5621565) New theme - Animal Jokes
Posted by Jools on 3 Aug 2024 at 9:26AMPost you best jokes about any sort of
Animals
(#5620358) Re: (no subject)
Posted by Begadoonie on 29 Jul 2024 at 6:04PM (#5620238) (no subject)
Posted by PattyMac on 29 Jul 2024 at 12:14PMCinnamon wins Time Joke - Congrats
(#5618590) Re: (no subject)
Posted by Cinnamon on 20 Jul 2024 at 10:14PM(unknown photo)
(#5618430)
Time to Vote on TIME - Jokes in Message
Posted by PattyMac on 20 Jul 2024 at 6:07AMCinnamon
How long is one minute?
It depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
marcmandy
How long is one minute?
60 seconds or, if you’re counting: 6000000000 nano seconds
monkeytyper
The most popular time to go to the dentist is tooth-hurty.
Lil Red
Why shouldn't you tell secrets in front of a clock?
Time will tell
PattyMac
What did the clock do after eating?
It went back four seconds
TaUrUsRoSe
Why did the girl sit on her watch?
She wanted to be on time.
ladyvic
What do you call it when you put a clock under your desk?
Answer: Working overtime.
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