which pun is the best?

which pun is the best?

Poll assigned to board: Jest for Puns

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter. (57%)
My New Year’s resolution is to help all my friends gain fifteen pounds so I look skinnier (14%)
My resolution this year was to read more so I put the subtitles on my TV. (14%)
Last year I made a resolution to join a gym, I didn't loose a single pound. Then someone told me I actually needed to visit the gym as well! (7%)
Last year my resolution was to lose four pounds. Only eight pounds to go! (7%)

Votes: 14