crazy sayings

Use this space to list your favorite crazy sayings

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If you ever played salvo or its variants:
A retired naval captain friend was asked what is the difference between a boat and a ship.
He thought for a minute, and then said "It's easy, you put gravy in a boat!"
Dionysos

My memory isn't what it used to be, but then again it never was.
superkaempe the gentle giant

There are three kinds of people. People who can count and people who can't.
Retired 3815

Marriage means committment. Of course, so does insanity.
(**)(**) Bunny Toes

Life is like a sewer, you get out of it what you put into it.
(I forgot who said it but I always remember the quote)
Oolong

This morning, my girlfriend said "you havent said a word to me in almost two weeks"
I said, " I didnt want to interupt you!"
So Very Addicted



If you lose something,go out and buy a new one.

Never say oops,say ah interesting.

This morning, my wife told me I never listen to her, at least I think thats what she said..
MikeyB


Some people are like a wheelbarrow...
Only good if you push them...
and are easily upset!
So Very Addicted

The day that Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck is the day they start selling vacuum cleaners!
VBeginner

If things get any worse, I'm going to have to ask you to stop helping me....
outta here

The next time you're feeling down, remember: If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off!
Karen Q

How does teflon stick to the pan?
(they use eggs to bond it...)

It's all explained here: http://www.uselessknowledge.com/explain/teflon.shtml

life sucks then you die.

Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip
around the sun every year.

How long a minute is
depends on what side of the
bathroom door you're on.

Birthdays are good for you;
the more you have,
the longer you live

Money speaks louder than reason.

life is about choices; you can't sit down and standup at the same time.

Happiness comes through doors you
didn't even know you left open.

Ever notice that the people who are late
are often much jollier
than the people who have to wait for them?

*Most of us go to our graves

with our music still inside of us.*

If Walmart is lowering prices every day,
how come nothing is free yet?

You may be only one person in the world,
but you may also be the world to one person.

Some mistakes are too much fun
to only make once.

Don't cry because it's over;
smile because it happened.

We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....but
they all exist very nicely in the same box.

A truly happy person is one who
can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Earth First--we'll start on the other planets later


VERY VERY Moronic instructions

Maybe the FBI and some companies are stupider than you think!

On a hairdryer:
'Do not use while sleeping.'
(when was the last time you did this?)

On a bag of chips:
`You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.'
(Runs into a store and starts opening bags of chips)

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On a bar of soap:
'Directions: use like regular soap.'
(ohhh and if I live in KY how would that be?)

On some frozen dinners:
'Serving suggestion: defrost.'
(na I like my teeth broken)

On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
'Fits one head.'
(I leave this one alone..lol)

On packaged Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box):
'Do not turn upside down.'
(too late?!?)

On packaged Bread Pudding:
'Product will be hot after heating.'
(DUH)

On packaging for an iron:
'Do not iron clothes on body.'
(ummm geee thats why I scar)

On children's cough medicine:
'Do not drive car or operate machinery.'
(how many 4-5 year olds do this?)

On sleep aid:
'Warning: may cause drowsiness.'
(geeee I would hope so)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
'For indoor or outdoor use only.'
(as opposed to what?)

On peanuts:
'Warning: contains nuts.'
(one would hope so..lol)

On a packet of nuts:
'Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.'
(what else would you do?.. DUCK..wow that was a close nut)

On a child's Superman costume:
'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.'
(don't know how many times I have worn my kids costume and waited to fly)

In a store
' Shoplifting is a crime '
( Oh, gee, maybe I need to turn Visitor in )

Don't stress me out, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies

If at first you don't succeed, learn to hide the evidence

Well, dip me in wax and call me a candle!

how about not

Patience is a virtue, possess it if you can,
it's seldom found in woman, and never found in man.

That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.

If you love something, set if free, if it comes back to you -- it's yours. If it doesn't -- it never was.

If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you its yours. if it doesn't -- then hunt it down and kill it.

Insanity is hereditary...you get it from your kids

i watched a snail crawl accross the edge of a straight razor and live

Strawberry ice cream never tastes as good as you think it's going to.

My memory is not what it used to be, but then again it never was.

Don't follow me, I am lost too..

how do you know when a politician is lying?
when his lips are moving

why do we park in a driveway and drive in a parkway?

on the bottom of a miss smiths pie , it says do not flip over.. (opps to late)

on a curling iron it says not for use in any orafis... (who would have put a curling iron there..ouch)

Come into my web says the spider to the fly
and you'll be my guest for dinner
aaaaaaaaaaaah hahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha

It aint't over til the fat lady sings

Man with out a God is like a fish with out a bicycle.

To soar with eagles you need wings

With age comes wisdom ok so my Father has age but when will he get the wisdom to stop bugging me

Message on a bumper sticker done in Braille:
IF YOU CAN READ THIS< YOU'RE TOO CLOSE

Why put off till tomorrow what you can postpone indefinitely

Remember, when one harbors bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

My Dad used to tell me to "get up" and "sit down"....now, which DID he want me to do?

Under everyones hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

On a Tube of Nitrate Cream it says Do not take by mouth or use in eyes

Hmmmmmmmmmm a genuine smile is a free facelift....

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